| Recently Bear Grylls, the survival expert, survived | | | | "Well I didn't hang around. I was only there a |
| a grilling by Jonathan Ross, the controversial but | | | | couple of minutes." |
| amusing chat show host who sees the funny side | | | | Jonathan showed the footage: |
| of everything whether it is funny or not. | | | | "This is Bear eating zebra neck and then finishing |
| Jonathan could not understand how Bear could | | | | it off with an aperitif." |
| enjoy what he does - showing people how to | | | | Bear talked in the film as he hacked at the |
| survive in some of the toughest parts of the | | | | zebra's neck: |
| planet. Bear tried to explain. | | | | "This doesn't taste that great but it's my best |
| "It's kind of what I do. I was trained to do it. I | | | | chance of getting some protein." |
| was trained in survival techniques." | | | | Bear now revealed a useful secret to his audience: |
| "You like doing it?" asked Jonathan incredulously | | | | "One thing you can do if you're stuck out here |
| "I love it. You know, I'd be completely | | | | without any water source at all is to drink the |
| unemployable at anything sensible. I come alive | | | | fluid from some fresh elephant dung. Pretty |
| out there." | | | | disgusting but it could save your life. It's a real last |
| They looked at footage showing Bear being | | | | resort. There can be harmful bacteria in that |
| placed down on the rim of a live volcano which | | | | water. But, if you have nothing else to drink it |
| looked very hot indeed. | | | | could buy you some extra time. Not one of the |
| Jonathan dropped his voice to a puzzled whisper. | | | | better drinks I've ever had." |
| "What's the best that can happen to you on a live | | | | Bear held a huge handful of elephant dung in both |
| volcano? The best that can happen to you. You | | | | his hands above his open mouth and squeezed |
| get out in one piece. Right? That's not my idea of | | | | hard until water dripped into his mouth. He |
| a nice day out! | | | | commented: |
| "Say they drop you there. There's no shops. | | | | "It was all fine apart from the bit of elephant turd |
| Right? There's nowhere you can relax? You're not | | | | that dropped into my mouth." |
| going to meet any one? What are you doing out | | | | "Well, what did you expect? You could have |
| there?" | | | | squeezed it into a cup perhaps or sieved it off." |
| Bear admitted that the survival shows could be | | | | "There's not time for that sort of stuff, |
| pretty miserable - you're cold; you're wet and | | | | Jonathan," Bear rapped back. |
| you're lost but the minute it is all over, you are | | | | "If the elephants had seen you doing that, they'd |
| back on a nice club class ticket home and can | | | | have asked 'What's he on?'" |
| then enjoy family life with your wife and kids | | | | "How long after you get back from one of your |
| making fairy cakes and so on. | | | | trips away does your wife wait till she lets you |
| Jonathan still did not understand the motivation | | | | kiss her properly ? She must know what you've |
| behind Bear's life of extremes: | | | | been putting in your mouth." |
| "But then you go off and you do more. Let's talk | | | | "I discuss it very little when I get home. She asks |
| about the food you eat when you are out there. | | | | how was it and I start explaining when she tends |
| I've seen you put some unusual things in your | | | | to just hand me a nappy." |
| mouth. OK! What's the strangest thing you've | | | | "And you pick it up, hold it up over your mouth |
| eaten to survive on one of your shows? What's | | | | and squeeze and go 'Mmm'. And she says: 'No |
| the weirdest thing?" | | | | Bear! No! You are home now. We have taps.'" |
| "I was in Iceland when I found a dead sheep and | | | | At the end of Jonathan's show, he interviewed |
| ending up eating its eye ball." | | | | Gordon Ramsay. One interesting fact that |
| "I imagine that would be quite tasty." | | | | emerged was that horsemeat is a popular dish in |
| "I always thought it would be a bit like a hard | | | | France, Spain and Portugal but not in the UK |
| boiled egg. But actually when I bit into it, it was | | | | presumably because horses look prettier than |
| just blood and gristle and it, like, exploded. My | | | | cows! |
| cameraman was looking at me with disgust on his | | | | Jonathan, for a grand finale, brought out a |
| face as he was filming it." | | | | saucepan and the necessary heating mechanism |
| "Are you sure you grabbed it from the right end | | | | to cook leaves, twigs, nuts and some wriggling |
| of the sheep?" | | | | larvae - the kind of food Bear would relish in the |
| Gordon Ramsay, the three star Michelin chef, who | | | | wild. |
| is also famous for the three stars at the end of | | | | Gordon, with some hesitation, put a larva into his |
| his every other word, was in the interviewee's | | | | mouth and then quickly added water, from a |
| room. His face was a picture as he listened to the | | | | bottle he carried with him, to assist him in spitting |
| above. | | | | his mouthful onto the floor behind his sofa. |
| Bear replied swiftly: "That's another Icelandic | | | | Jonathan pretended to eat one of the larvae and |
| delicacy." | | | | then freaked out when Bear told him to bite it to |
| He racked his brains for a list of what he had | | | | kill it or it would wriggle around in his stomach. |
| eaten in the interests of survival: | | | | In the turmoil, Gordon grabbed the frying pan and |
| "Sheep's eyeball, endless snakes, scorpions, ants, | | | | put it on the studio floor presumably to spare the |
| elephant dung." | | | | larvae further pain. The show ended in chaos with |
| We then saw a photo of Bear holding up a turtle | | | | the audience not quite sure whether to laugh or |
| shell dripping its blood into his mouth: | | | | cry. |
| "The blood is very nutritious and you don't want | | | | However, Bear had survived a Jonathan Ross |
| to waste the blood. So I drank the blood." | | | | chat show. |
| Jonathan had to add in his two pennyworth: | | | | Bear's success is due to doing what he loves to |
| "And it comes in, like, a kind of carton. Really - | | | | do. He comes alive when he is doing it. It may not |
| doesn't it? It's been provided. All you need is a | | | | make sense to others but it makes sense to him. |
| straw and you are good to go." | | | | He also enjoys a satisfying family life. After the |
| Gordon Ramsay, next door, couldn't help but | | | | interview with Jonathan he was off for a family |
| laugh. | | | | beach holiday in Wales followed by a trip to the |
| Jonathan now felt the show was ready for some | | | | Sahara for his next show. He balances family and |
| gory footage. He warned the sensitive to look | | | | job well. |
| away although he knew that everyone would be | | | | He is an expert at what he does and has been |
| glued to their screens. Only the insensitive can | | | | trained to do it. He keeps learning and developing |
| bear to watch Jonathan Ross shows. | | | | his skills. |
| "What about I have some footage of you eating | | | | He balks at nothing. He does whatever he has to |
| a zebra?" | | | | do to show people how to survive in extreme |
| "That was an amazing moment in Kenya when I | | | | situations. |
| came across this lion kill just after dawn. It had | | | | He can laugh at himself and see the funny side of |
| been killed by a pride of lions about an hour earlier. | | | | what he is doing. He is not at all arrogant. |
| They had eaten all the blood and soft organs and | | | | Even if we learn nothing else from his trips, they |
| gone off to get something to drink. The zebra | | | | can make us appreciate the simple pleasures of |
| was still warm." | | | | life such as a nice glass of tap water and a |
| "Weren't you worried that the lions would come | | | | plateful of properly cooked meat. |
| back and say: 'Hang on!' ?" | | | | |